Let's go back to July 2020, our boy, S, had turned 4 the month before and after the craziness of lockdown times restrictions were easing and we had been enjoying some time with family and friends.
A normal day, a normal activity...interrupted. S was having a bath with our 1 year old daughter C and the unexpected happened. S has never really liked the bath but he was actually enjoying being in there with his sister, then suddenly he was quiet, his colour drained from his face and he was staring and unresponsive. My husband quickly removed him from the bath and we put him in the recovery position. I was panicking, we were trying to get him to respond but he wasn't.
The only other time I had seen the blueness that I saw in his face was when I saw my Grandad shortly after he had died.
I got C out of the bath and called 999. Seconds felt like minutes, minutes like hours, he was still unresponsive and rigid for about 3 minutes, 3 minutes may not sound like long but for me it felt like a lifetime. Seeing your son like that and not being able to do anything about it is scary, you feel totally and utterly helpless.
He came round confused and said he wanted to sleep. We carried him to bed and he was out like a light, that never normally happens, he's a 3 books and lots of songs kind of routine boy before bed! I just stayed with him, staring, making sure he was breathing.
Needless to say that moment, that unexpected seizure, was the start of many months of watching his every move and being on constant high alert, a state of fight or flight every moment of every day. When I'm with him I'm watching him, when I'm not I'm waiting for the phone to ring.
I'm writing this to help me process how our lives have changed since July, to raise awareness of the wide reaching impact of epilepsy and to hopefully help others to know they are not alone.